Another Day Older and Deeper in Debt.

Just celebrated my 74th birthday. I am the living example of that old adage, “If I’d known I would live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”

I have always been a Thanksgiving baby.. It has been fun to tie my birthday in with Thanksgiving and I make no secret that I love presents.. any presents. No matter the size. And since we are feeding the clan, they have to show up and only a fool would show up without a present for Ned.

My mother always told me that I was born a few hours after the Thanksgiving dinner. She said she had to leave the table and head for the hospital. We have always celebrated the two events together.. Been doing that all my life.
One day last year, while playing around on the computer, I put my birth date into a program that would tell you which day of the week you were born on. I never should have done that. Turns out I was born on a Monday. I found out that my mom had fibbed to me all those years.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs came out when I was a month old, It was the same year that Fibber McGee and Molly and Dick Tracy debuted. Amelia Earhart was the first woman to fly solo from Hawaii to California.

Babe Ruth hit his 714th and last home run at Forbes Field in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Alcoholics Anonymous was founded in Akron, Ohio and the United States Social Security Act was enacted. And of course, Hitler was running around Europe, waving his new flag.

And that was the year Anna Decker told her little boy he was born on Thanksgiving day.. That was in the middle of the great depression and I guess it was easier to stick a candle in the pumpkin pie and sing happy birthday than have a special cake.

You know, come to think of it, my sister, Nan was born the Monday after Easter and nobody ever called her an Easter Baby. But little Eddie was stuck with a fib for over 70 years. Bitter? Nope.. I’m still a Thanksgiving birthday boy! Gonna do it again tomorrow. Old habits are hard to change. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks..

Some wise sage once said “Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”

Are the Folks at AARP Really that stupid?

I know I shouldn’t write a blog before I finish my morning latte, but I am in a boil this morning. Are the People at AARP really that stupid or are they just trying to get more people to sign up for their ineffective insurance programs? Or can’t anyone there do basic math? I guess they must think WE are that stupid.

Today’s  Page One Headline, “AARP chief backs Medicare cut” was the frosting on a sludge cake.

Let’s see. AARP proudly stands behind a minimum cut of $460 Billion dollars from a program that is the main medical support for the majority of its members and a program that will also add another 20 or 30 million more enrollees. Somehow, that math does not work.

The new Bill in the Senate portends to also reduce payments to Doctors and Hospitals for visits and procedures, so that means our doctors will have to add another 6 to 10 patients a day to their already overbooked days. Expect the 4 to 6 hour waits in ERs to extend even longer. It will easier to just die at home than in the ER waiting room like one man recently did while waiting for hours to tells someone he was having chest pains.

I would resign my membership at AARP if I hadn’t already done it a while back after they first announced that this Bill was a Good Thing for its elderly members.

I recommend that you send back your AARP card today with a letter asking them why they have deserted the very people they claim to represent.

We need a dumpaarp movement...

Just Dancing In The Rain

Just Dancing In The Rain

Wow.. My wife yelled into the bedroom, "Ned, Ned, hurry out of bed, Ned."
"Is my latte ready?'

"No, just get out of bed and open the door to the back patio. It's raining, really raining!"

I stumbled out of bed and raced [well, hobbled] to the door aand stepped out. What a sweet smell it was.. Joy to my Seattle grown nostrils. I lifted my hands to catch the drops.

3 or 4 drops..per hand; the ground was dry..but it was raining..it was just not making to the ground.

My wife came out with my latte. We sat down and smiled. Then the rain was gone.. Heading away toward those people who prefer Arizona.

"Ned, do you miss Seattle?"

"No way, my sweetie. Remember, we are down here as Rainbirds. This is my kind of rain!"

"Don't you mean, Snowbirds, Ned?"

"Nope. Rainbirds. Remember the three weeks of rain just before came down?


"Ned, did you turn the sprinkler system off before we left?"

"Great Latte, my beloved, great latte."

I Just Want to Thank the folks Who...

I just want to thank all the folks who have sent me all those educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.


I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels..


I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).


Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers..


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to certain e-mailers I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of their concerns, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God'on their cans.


I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks to the guy who let me know, I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life.


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army and won’t say “merry Christmas.”


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ..

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt and I check my own toilet very carefully before I sit down.

And thanks for the warning I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a serial killer waiting underneath my car to grab my leg..

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies.


I always lock my car with the key now, instead of the remote, because crooks sit in parking lots with equipment that picks up car remote signals and steal the car or things in it after you go inside.


I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't pass this on to at least 100 people in the next 60 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon and fleas will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors' ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .


Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail and computer documents with their hand on the bacteria laden mouse.. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

A Man's Home is His Castle

A Man's Home is His Castle


Whoever said a man’s home was his Castle either had a grand misconception about men or had a strange understanding of the definition of Castle. Mine is a corner easy chair and ottoman with side table in one corner of the family room.

My control of castle functions lasts only until my wife walks in and asks, “Isn’t there anything else on TV?”

It does not matter what the score is, how many seconds left in the game or what program I have been watching for the last 50 minutes. We go searching until she finds what I am supposed to be watching.

Take the other night, for example. I was watching a program and she came into the family room, having finished up with whatever had kept her busy the last hour or so.

She stood there, blocking my line of sight. I leaned around to watch. She moved. I leaned. She moved. I gave up. I didn’t want to fall out of the chair or drop the bowl of ice cream. If I did, she had an automatic win.
“What are you watching?” She asked.

“The Biggest Loser,” I replied.

She looked at the TV, then back to my dish of ice cream. “What is that stuff on the top of your bowl of ice cream, under all the chocolate syrup?”


“Crushed up pretzels,” I smiled. She frowned.

“What is wrong with this picture? An overweight man is watching a program about overweight people struggling to lose weight, sitting there shoveling some ten thousand calories of ice cream mush into his mouth. Do you find that unusual, Ned?”

“Not at all,” I replied. “The program is very stressful and you know that when I get stressed, I need comfort food.” Sounded pretty reasonable to me.

“What were in the dishes you have piled up on the side table under the crosswords puzzles and the Louie L’amour book?” She moved in closer. Not good.

“Oh, those,” I shot back. “They were for the cheese and crackers and the cookies…and stuff.”

“When did you eat those?” She was blocking the TV again.

Things were not going well. Her hands went to her hips. I should have put those dishes away when I got the ice cream.

“Do you want to watch House Hunters,” I asked as I reached for the clicker.

She sighed deeply and held out her hand. I leaned out and surrendered the clicker. Another crisis averted.

My Castle was still intact and peace would reign throughout the kingdom..... for now. Long Live the King.

Two of God's Greatest Miracles

Two of God’s Greatest Miracles

Birth and Death

Three weeks ago, I officiated at the funeral for my sister and then this last weekend did the same at the funeral for my wife’s youngest sister.

While It has been a hard time for our family and two very emotionally difficult times for us, I want to share what I have realized, personally.

I have come to realize that there are two of God’s miracles He allows us to participate in. The first is the miracle of birth and the second is the miracle of death. The two are part of the very fabric of life and part of God’s whole plan for us.

I am sharing my sermon notes from my wife’s sister Debbie’s memorial service so that we may look at death from God’s eyes, rather than from our grief.

Scripture

'I am the resurrection and the life,' says the Lord. 'Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. John 11.

I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8.

Since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. So we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage one another with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4.

Introduction:

Jesus was with his disciples, making his way across the Jordan River and back to Bethany in Judea when he spoke to his disciples, saying,

"Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I am going there to wake him up."
12His disciples replied, "Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better." 13Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, 15and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."

Of course we all know what happened when Jesus went to the tomb, had the stone rolled back and called Lazarus, now dead 4 days, to come forth. That lesson even Thomas learned that even the dead are alive in Christ. The apostle, Paul said “to be out of my body is to be with Christ” Even so, dear Debbie.

On Thursday morning, our sister, mother, friend and loving wife, Debbie quietly fell asleep in the arms of her Father in Heaven. Debbie’s sleep, though, has not been long. God reached down and picked her up from her broken, tired body and gave her not only eternal peace and rest, but eternal pleasures at his Savior's right hand.

Today, as we mourn her loss, she is perhaps spending these minutes running around with strong legs and hugging all her loved ones who have gone ahead.

Or perhaps, as we mourn, she is making up for all the desserts that her sickness and pain had robbed her of. Maybe she is enjoying the feast that God has prepared for her.

Or, maybe as we mourn, she is at God's side at last, talking to her Savior as we talk among ourselves. Jesus loves her, and how glad he is to have Debbie at his side for eternity. Debbie’s vision has been make perfect, enabling her to see with her eyes what his heart has always known -- the love of her Father in heaven.

One thing is sure.
In Christ, mortality always leads to immortality

The only certainty to life is death. Ps.116:15 proclaims Precious in the sight of the LORD Is the death of His saints

There are three ways
in which for the Christian death
is precious to God.

Death is going to sleep.

The New Testament writers often describe death as sleep, and they get it from Jesus in Mark 5.

21 Now when Jesus had crossed over again by boat to the other side, a great multitude gathered to Him; and He was by the sea. 22 And behold, one of the rulers of the synagogue came, Jairus by name. And when he saw Him, he fell at His feet 23 and begged Him earnestly, saying, “My little daughter lies at the point of death. Come and lay Your hands on her, that she may be healed, and she will live.”35

While He was still speaking, some came from the ruler of the synagogue’s house who said, “Your daughter is dead. Why trouble the Teacher any further?”

36 As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, He said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not be afraid; only believe.” 37 And He permitted no one to follow Him except Peter, James, and John the brother of James. 38 Then He came to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and saw a tumult and those who wept and wailed loudly. 39 When He came in, He said to them, “Why make this commotion and weep? The child is not dead, but sleeping.”

He took the father and the mother of the child, and those who were with Him, and entered where the child was lying. 41 Then He took the child by the hand, and said to her, “Talitha, cumi,” which is translated, “Little girl, I say to you, arise.” 42 Immediately the girl arose and walked, for she was twelve years of age

Jesus described the little girl’s death as sleep.

Sleep is temporary.

Deb fell asleep and heard those words, “Talitha, cumi,”

and awoke to see her Savior. Little Debbie, I say to you, arise.

Death is a journey.

Paul talks about his death as a “departure” in 2 Timothy 4:6. For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand.

The word departure is used of striking a tent, or untying a boat from its mooring.

Paul talks about life as the good fight.

Paul talks about life as a race and the need to finish well.

Paul also talks about life as keeping the faith.

Deb fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith.

She was an example of cheerfulness in the face of terrible illness

Deb has already arrived at the celestial city.

Death is going home.


Jesus teaches in John 14 that our destination has been determined.

1 “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 In My Father’s house are many mansions;[a] if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.[b] 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. 4 And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

First, he has prepared a place for us, complete and perfect.

It’s impossible to describe this place, because we’re trying to describe an infinite idea to finite minds; we’ll just have to experience it.

Second, in heaven Jesus awaits those who are His.

Heaven is going home, and who is afraid of that?

The song, “Finally Home” says it well, with a little editing from Pastor Ed

Finally Home lyrics

I'm gonna wrap my arms around my Daddy's neck

And tell Him that I've missed him

And tell him all about the person I became

And hope that it will please Him

There's so much I want to sayThere's so much I want him to know.

When I finally make it home when I finally make it home.

Then I'll gaze upon the throne of the King

And I’ll be Frozen in my steps

And all the questions that I swore I would ask

Those Words that just won't come out yet

So amazed at what I've seen so much more

Than this mind can ever behold.

And the sweetest sound my ears have yet to hear

The voices of the angels.
When I finally make it home when I finally make it home.

Conclusion

At her death, though Deb’s body had wasted away, she became more alive than ever.

For the Christian, the most exciting experience of life lies in the future.

A future tied to Jesus and His Gift of life to us.

Debbie now knows the fullness of that Life in Christ.

On Thursday morning, Debbie laid down mortality and picked up her immortality

and joined that chorus of Saints above.

Closing prayer

Into thy hands, O Lord, we commend thy servant Debbie.,

our

dear sister, as into the hands of a faithful Creator and most

merciful Savior, beseeching thee that she may be precious in

thy sight. Wash her, we pray thee, in the blood of that

immaculate Lamb that was slain to take away the sins of the

world; that she may be presented pure and without spot before thee;

through the merits of Jesus Christ thine only Son our Lord..

Almighty God, Father of mercies and giver of comfort:

Deal graciously, we pray, with all those here who mourn, that

casting every care on thee, they may know the consolation of

thy love; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

God be with you all,

In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I pray Amen.

Getting Old Is Not For Sissies

Getting Old Isn’t For Sissies

The older I get, the more I realize that getting old is not easy. The golden years are more like molding years, more rust than gold. Many of the activities that I used to do, I judge now on how far I have to walk, how many stairs are involved and where the closest bathroom is. One of my sons stopped by this morning to tell me that the steelhead run is the best in over 30 years and we should go out my favorite hole and pick up a few.

My mind didn’t focus on the great fishing I have experienced in years past, but on the long climb down a steep hill and the aching that would go along with standing in the river for a few hours and the pain of climbing back up that rocky hillside.

I find that we seniors make a lot of decisions based on what we can’t do rather than what we can do. I can’t ski like I used to ski and I can’t run the way I ran as a youth. I can’t hear or see the way I did 50 years ago. I can’t hike up the mountain trails the way I did a few years ago and I can’t go out for a late meal any more. My dining out now seems to revolve around early bird specials or two for one dinner deals.

But, my mouth works and I can smile at everyone I run into. I can find something nice to say about everyone I see. I can listen with an intent ear and even when a hurting friend talks so low I can’t hear the words, I can nod and share the hurt I see.

I know that we may often be in too much of a hurry to get back to the comfort of our home and favorite chair to make eye contact with the clerk at the grocery store or the waitress at the restaurant but I promise you that if you do that one simple thing, your life will change for the good and the gold will begin to shine through the rust.

As Christians, we need to call upon the Lord to give us an abundance of His spiritual gifts so that we may use them in loving all our neighbors as ourselves. In our conversations with the Father, we need to ask Him to place us where He could use us as His hand, extended. Place us where we can pass his gift of love through us to the ones who need it.

The Bible calls us to be 18Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, 20For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. Eph 6, KJV

Try it the next time you run those errands that take you around the neighborhood. It will bless you and those whose paths you cross. Then watch out. God will begin to use you as his local office and when you walk into a place, the people will already be smiling.